Your Weekly Antics, Everyone Does Their Part Edition...8-17-23

Well kids, here we are, another kind of rainy but not really rainy, possibly stormy, maybe some thunder but probably not, humid but not sticky, air conditioning, but maybe you can throw open a window to get some fresh air in, if it's not polluted by fires and smoke from thousands of miles away kind of day...could be worse, it could be snowing. Yes, this is a giant run on sentence and I would be a great disappointment to Miss Joyce, may she rest in peace, but this is my blog so I can do what I want...Here's what I've got...

1. Brief tornado…it’s either a tornado, or it’s not. Doesn’t seem right that brief and tornado are used in the same sentence. You’re either going to batten down the hatches and head to the basement or you’re going to go about your business. It’s either a tornado or it isn’t. I’m pretty sure anyone who’s lived through a tornado is not going to describe it as brief. Get it together.

2. In the event you happen upon Sue Miller’s house, and she asks you to turn on one of the air fryers gifted to her by Andrea Lucy, no, she’s not preparing to cook you up some tasty chicken wings, and no, she isn’t suffering from a stroke or having difficulty with word finding. She would be referring to her air purifiers…first day they were in her house she referred to them as air fryers and quickly corrected herself. Since then, she continues to call them air fryers just to mess with the rest of us. If you treat her like a crazy old lady, she’s going to act like one just to make sure you’re paying attention. Exhibit 1, Andrea in her much used this summer rain gear.

3. The end of summer is right around the corner and with that the start of school. I’d like to say, I hope you enjoyed your quiet commute school bus free these past two months, but we’d all know I’d be lying. Sure, the school busses have been tucked away, but in their place every street throughout the Woo has been consistently under some kind of construction just to make things interesting. School starts August 28th, plan accordingly. The chaos and anarchy that is known as traffic in the Woo will be back in full force, don’t say we didn’t warn you –

4. School hasn't started yet and we’re not even out of August and pumpkin season is upon us. At every turn there are offerings of pumpkin themed items from coffee to muffins to candles to décor. Meandering through TJ Maxx last weekend it was as if Halloween exploded in housewares. Fall themed items littered the aisles. Summer items already on clearance. If you decide you’re finally going to pull the trigger and get that citronella candle you’ve been pondering over for your deck, go crazy and grab one...you can probably get it for 75% off.

5. Please refer back to #5. I hate to shop. Any kind of shopping in my opinion in this day and age can be accomplished on line. There is absolutely no reason for me and my lack of shopping enthusiasm to ever step foot inside the doors of any retail store anywhere, ever. What do I do? I choose a Saturday, my first mistake - and to make matters worse it was the Saturday of tax free weekend, to wander through the doors of TJ Maxx. This was poor planning and dumb on all fronts and it may be the next tax free weekend before I step foot in a retail store again. Chaos ensued as people were being their usual discourteous selves barging down aisles to get their bargains without the states 6.5% tax added to their bill. I hope for those who willingly and knowingly battled it out during tax free weekend were more than satisfied with the money the state allowed you to save trying to make us believe things were being given away. My purchase was $56. I saved a whopping $3.64 ... don't check my math, I could be wrong, but bottom line is, the chaos was not worth the mere $3.64 I saved. That doesn't even buy you a coffee.

6. To the trash guys who cover Sue Miller’s street – well, you’ve done it now. After several weeks in a row of their tossing her empty recycling bins in to her driveway, prohibiting her from getting in and out of the driveway without having to move said bins, she decided to speak to the trash guy. Ask him nicely if he could avoid doing that…just don’t toss them at the end of the driveway if you don’t mind. It was all fun and games until the guy looked at her and then blatantly ignored her. It’s on now buddy…who knows what’ll happen to you next week. Good luck and God speed, you're gonna need it.

7. Harley and woodland creatures. With the welcoming of Gibson to the Kap pack, Harley had high hopes that this addition would serve purpose to her cause. Instead, Gibson goes about his business, a lanky uncoordinated puppy, bumbling about the yard getting in her way. Providing no assistance to the monitoring of her yard, unless tumbling all over himself counts, he totters around behind her drooling and tripping her up. Gibson does not seem the least bit interested in anything furry or woodland - like and couldn't care less. Squirrels? Sure – go about your business skipping along the top of our fence, have at it. Chipmunks? No need to move or be alarmed, isn’t that what the drainpipes are for, to provide you with safe passage? Birds? Whatever. Have at it, he just doesn’t care.

8. Gibson's main focus has been on freeing the yard and keeping it safe from anything that has foliage on it. Tomato plants? Those tomato’s look treacherous, they must be disposed of. Low hanging branches? Immediately eliminated. Large leaves from the hydrangea bushes – gone again. The wind blows causing the trickle effect of the movement of leaves and branches. To anyone else, this would be considered serene. To Gibson, he thinks he’s being assaulted, therefore, he must eliminate the problem by destroying said branch or leaf until it is beyond recognition. Take that Harley. You stick to woodland creatures, I’ll cover all plant life. He may actually be a goat. Soon our yard will be barren.

9. Exhibit 1, this is more Gibson's speed. To attack and completely destroy any and all non threatening stationary items.

Gibson 1

Dog Bed 0

10. Dad joke of the week goes to our loyal friend and faithful Antics reader Chris Andrianopoulos…How do you fix a broken pizza? With Tomato Paste…If you’re out in Millbury stop by A&D Pizza. The pizza’s great and the Dad Jokes are free.

And last but not least...fear not my friends, it's almost Friday. Go forth, spread good cheer and be nice to each other!

Have a great weekend!