Your Weekly Antics Embracing the Crazy Edition...5-26-22

Where to begin…the daily crazy of the world continues, so there’s that. There's good crazy, entertaining crazy and bad crazy. Let’s focus on our small corner of good and entertaining crazy, shall we? Here’s what I’ve got…

1. Here’s a tid bit for you. I’m not a golfer, therefore I don’t know much about golf clubs. Of course I recognize one when I see one, I'm not a moron, I get the overall gist of the game. You wear nice clothes. You walk up and down and all around chasing a ball you intentionally hit, on a grassy hill somewhere. Sometimes you get to tool around in a golf cart, sometimes you walk. If you hit the ball in the hole with less shots than others, then you’re doing a good job. What I didn’t know was that golf clubs are made of carbon fiber. When the head of a club breaks off, shards of carbon fiber can be left behind on the shaft of the golf club where the clubhead was once connected. When those shards splinter they can become embedded in your fingers. So here are the lessons I learned this week that I'm willing to share with you...a) throw the shaft away, don’t leave it around thinking it can be fixed or a new club head attached or whatever, b) don’t grab it by the broken part because when you do, you’ll have those carbon shards impaled in your hands, c. when in a state of crisis, call Lawnmowing, snow blowing, leaf blowing Joe next door and he will come to your rescue shoeless. Then when all else fails, and both you and Joe determine that neither of you are in fact medical professionals and an expert is needed, go see Dr. Quang at Redi Med on Shrewsbury Street who will gladly remove all those shards with a smile. And finally d) the youngest Kap kid is far too comfortable handling medical equipment. 😊 This is your Public Service Announcement for this week.

2. If you hit a turkey on the golf course with your golf ball that turkey will come after you with its feathers all puffed out. She will most likely keep your ball, because after all, you hit it, and now she’s pissed. This is when your high school golfer decides she’s going to “ X-Out” and let that turkey keep the ball because it’s not worth losing an eye over or another trip to see Dr. Quang at Redi Med - she hops in the golf cart and takes off before that turkey gets a hold of her. When looking back aimlessly from the cart, that turkey may be sitting on your ball as if it is now its job to hatch it. I think this was a wise decision or she could've ended up like this guy...Exhibit 1, check out this link...turkeys on attack

https://www.golfdigest.com/story/man-vs-turkey-is-the-best-duel-weve-seen-on-a-golf-course-in-some-time

3. Golf again…here in Exhibit 2 are the happy faces of some of our local favorite golfers who not only can handle themselves on the golf course, but can do so without injuring themselves with faulty equipment or put themselves in danger of being attacked by a disgruntled turkey.

4. Sifted Onion dip - there's one for you. You get the flavor of the onion dip without the trouble of having to deal with the onions. Why would one not want the onions in their onion dip? Or should I say who would not want onions in their onion dip? Helen, that's who. She's been sifting onion dip since she was tall enough to reach the counter. It's her thing. Let's not forget, she doesn't like the onion or any of its relations such as the scallion who you all know she refers to as the onions cousin.

5. Trivia sucks...Kolby Miller, 5-25-22. Exhibit 2, please note the angelic rays shining upon the middle kids head. To that she said...coincidence? I think not. I know she's not technically sitting in the middle, but she is still the middle kid, try to keep up...

6. For our faithful Antics readers, you will be familiar with Harley and her on going struggle with the woodland creatures of the 02, specifically the chipmunk. Some of you I'm sure are sick of hearing about this situation, but there may also be some interested in regular updates, which I of course have for you. The official Harley vs. Woodland Creature score is now Harley 2, Woodland Creature 1000. You may remember after a long hot summer last year, Harley managed to catch one of her nemesis, in her excitement, dropped it, then sat on it squishing it, which resulted in its immediate demise. That put her on the board for one. She upped her score this week kids and the details are such. Chipmunk thought it was being smooth and hiding from Harley in the gutter extension that was attached to our house. Harley caught on to the treachery, ripped the gutter off of the side of the house, and went on to destroy it leaving pieces of it all over the yard. Al discovered this and Harley and her four legged pack were scolded, banished from the yard and sent in to the house while being lectured about how they should think about what they did wrong and how they plan to correct their behavior in order to earn their yard privileges back. Al goes outside. He retrieves the pieces of the gutter from every corner of the yard and discovers that the gutter is now, beyond repair. He goes back inside, sits down and notices Harley and the rest of her crew refuse to make any eye contact or go anywhere near him. This my friends is the behavior of dogs who all know that a member of their pack has wronged its people in one of the worst ways possible...she brought the dead chipmunk in the house and left it unceremoniously on the living room floor for Al to find. Yup, it was a situation...Harley 2, Chipmunks 1000, Al 0.

7. Just because Harley's torturing Al this week doesn't mean that the youngest Kap kid has let up. The 2K X Box video game wars continue. Just when Al swears up and down that he's done, he'll never play the game again, asks us to hide the controller from him, and insists the game's been rigged, he gets sucked back in. It starts off as a friendly game and then Meri brings down the hammer making him wish he had stuck to his guns and just walked away. I think this is pay back for all the Dad Jokes Meri has to endure every day.

8. It's graduation season people, you think you, the spectator, are the only ones who are sitting around waiting for the show to get on the road or to speed things up? Even the Graduates have things to do and places to be. Please see Exhibit 3, what one graduate was really thinking while waiting for things to get started...

Exhibit 4, the tweet

9. In our latest of you can't flim flam a flim flammer...if you work in social services you've most likely had a visit or two that you made when the person you were visiting didn't answer the door. When the person acted as if they weren't home, but you knew they were in there. Case in point. I made an unannounced visit this week. I roll up to the house, confirming I have the correct address. The elder doesn't answer the door. I call the elder while standing outside on her walkway. The elder answers. I can hear her over the phone as well as talking on the phone, to me, from inside the house. She tells me she's not home. I confirm the address with her and say, are you sure you're not home? She tells me she is definitely not home, but I'm welcome to contact her next week. She then proceeds to wave goodbye to me from her front window while saying goodbye to me on the phone. Well if you're not home lady, who the hell is that? #icantmakethisstuffup

10. Flim flamming does not just apply to people or the four legged members of the Kap pack alone. Flim flamming can also apply to animals of all varieties. Exhibit 5 ducklings. These little guys were harbored and then hatched by a giant turkey who has managed to avoid the oven for the past few years. When a large turkey decides to take a liking to a few particular eggs, apparently you don't question it, you just let it go and see what happens. Well, this is what happened. I bet this turkey was really pissed to find out that after all that time sitting on those eggs, they weren't baby turkeys after all, they're just plain old ducks.

And last but not least, this weeks Antics is dedicated to my good friend Barbara Mahoney…she’s always embraced my crazy and loves me anyway. 😊

Relentlessly look forward. Whatever you do, don't stand still... Robert Reynolds, President and CEO Putnam Investments. Commencement speaker Bentley University 2022.

Have a great weekend!