Your Weekly Antics - Dodging a Bullett Edition... 3-10-22

Well kids - here we are. We are on the cusp of St. Patrick's Day shenanigans for the first time in two years, I hope you're up for it. Whether you'll be drinking your Shamrock shake, attending the various parades that'll be happening, gathering with friends or taking some time for yourselves, I hope you're all well and it's all good in the hood. If it's not good, get it together and make some changes. Life's too short to be hanging around with a bunch of scrubs who make you miserable. Here's what I've got...

1. Want to know what I do when I get a phone call from Amy Bullett? I answer it – who knows when she’s gonna need me. What do I do when she tells me to do something? I badger her with questions she refuses to answer and then I do what I’m told. Do I pull to the side of the road to complete the task she requests of me? Only under duress because my co-pilot is out of practice in managing my shenanigans and insists upon it. For anyone wondering, I dodged a Bullett – see what I did there? I completed the task and yes, I got Colleen safely to our destination.

2. In case you ever find yourself on a quiz show and you’re asked who the funniest person ever is, let me be the one to direct you to the person who will answer that. Not only will Sharon Landers tell you who the funniest person is, but she will in fact identify that individual as herself. Doesn't matter if you've never met her, this is the only correct answer - in case that quiz shows question is a 2 for 1, she’s also the best looking person she’s ever seen and her complexion favors the color yellow. Let there be no mistake about these facts folks. Sharon Landers = funniest person of all time. Do not forget this information, you never know when you may need it.

3. When you've been gathering with your college girlfriends for the first weekend of March forever, things change. Not the friendships. Not the fact that you can pick up exactly where you left off the year before as if no time has passed. What does change however is your ability to hang like you did back in the early 90's, pre kids, pre marriages, pre responsibilities. Initially on the Friday night that you first gather, you all fall in to step and get a little crazy. A long overdue kind of crazy that is only acceptable within that group. What I'm here to tell you is this. The Saturday mornings after the shenanigans of the previous night, have changed dramatically over the years. Long gone are the days when a quick trip to the dining commons to grab a bacon egg and cheese sandwich and a diet coke will fix you right up to go about your day. Now there's gallons of water involved. Advil, Tylenol, pedialyte, freezing ocean air, gatorade, sunglasses and no sudden movements. I'm not saying it wasn't all worth it, and it won't happen again, I'm just putting these facts out there - that's my public service announcement for this week. Take it or leave it. #saturdaysover50r4surviving

4. Minding our own business myself and co-pilot number one find ourselves in a grocery store parking lot. What can I say? Last time we gathered we went home to a Pandemic - we weren't messing around this time and were making sure we'd be well fed just in case. Heading back to our vehicle we come across a middle aged man in a pick up truck with two oversized American Flags attached to the truck bed waving in the breeze. Window down, sitting back, relaxing face towards the sun, enjoying a moment and jamming to his music. Stereotypically speaking, one would imagine there'd be some old country songs blaring from that truck, but you'd be wrong...his music of choice you ask? Lionel Richie. And not just any Lionel Richie song, but Stuck on You. Moral of this tale told in #4, do what makes you happy people, even if that means listening to Lionel Richie at full volume on a Friday afternoon in a grocery store parking lot.

5. Broccoli - in our travels last weekend, we made a new friend, Evan. Now Evan, a middle aged, educated, professional gentleman, shared with us his enthusiasm for the vibrant green color of the broccoli that was served with his Chinese food take out order. Now, this could be a passing statement. This could note that the vibrant green color indicates not only freshness, but the exceptional nutritional values that broccoli provides us. Or, that he's just a weird guy with an unusual fascination for vegetables, one can only guess. But, you add our best looking, funniest person you'll ever meet, wearer of yellow Sharon, who was equally as stunned by this anomaly of green broccoli and you've got a phenomenon on your hands. And not just any phenomenon, but a Fan-friggin-phenomenon at that. You'd never guess how often broccoli and its various shades of green can be worked in to every conversation for an entire weekend. Trust me...it can be done.

6. Al’s contribution to The Antics this week, his update on the disappointment of his weekly Wegmans run. This weeks big news you ask? Tide. Tide laundry detergent has gone up by $1.49 per whatever size container he bought. Some people are pissed about the gas prices this week, but not Al – he’s pissed about laundry detergent.

7. With that said, get a load of exhibit 1. At this rate instead of increasing our mileage reimbursement, we may be better off borrowing motorized scooters from our clients. There could be several benefits for this in addition to saving on gas. We wouldn't have to deal with parking and could motor ourselves door to door easing our access to those we are attempting to serve. One must think on their toes when striving to complete the work of the people.

8. Exhibit 2. This is what happens when one of my cookie recipient wrongs me. Not only does he not get his own batch of cookies but when his co worker took pity on him, she knew enough to leave him a cookie that was broken in to pieces. This is the result of keeping secrets from me - you know who you are... I have eyes and ears everywhere...

9. With that said, cookie recipient #2, get it together. This major infraction has been overlooked but will not be forgotten. Please keep in mind that I have breached the workings of your inner circle and my name has been added to the wall of favor which will be used against you when you least expect it. This could be tomorrow, next week, next year, 5 years from now, who knows. Good luck and God speed my friend.

10. How long do you suppose it would take my neighbors to call the police or animal control if I got myself some donkeys? Check out exhibit 3...these are the new friends I made while out and about during my wanderings this week. Now according to a friend, this edition would be similar to those I already keep company with. Thinking about this further, I'd have to agree...only difference is, these donkeys don't expect much other than their basic needs being met and maybe an occasional pat on the head. They're friendly and happy to see me. The donkey's I run in to on the streets of The Woo aren't quite as low maintenance and quite honestly, can be a bunch of jerks. I'm sticking with the country donkeys...I'll keep you posted.

11. And last but not least, when all else fails, go get yourself some green vegetables, take a ride, and soak up some sun. It'll do you some good.

Have a great weekend!