Your Weekly Antics, Breaking Your Own Rules Thanksgiving Week Edition...11-23-23

Well kids, Thanksgiving is here and whether you like it or not, the holiday season is upon us, gobble gobble. Whether you have traveled near or far, finding yourself busy or taking it slow, may you have a fabulous day. If you haven't prepared a meal or have any particular place to land on this fine thanksgiving day and are wandering about, come on over to Sue Miller's house where the door is always open...she's got 38 lbs of turkey - you read right - thirty eight pounds of turkey that'll be traditionally prepared, cooked and more sides than we know what to do with, plenty to go around. You have to be prepared people, you never know who may show up. Here's what I've got...

1. Thanksgiving, the season of appreciation and giving thanks - I have lots to be thankful for. For starters dear readers, I am thankful for all of you who take the 6-10 minutes out of your day, one day a week to read all my nonsense in The Antics. It does my heart good. Here’s a fun fact, in case you’re wondering, it has come to my attention that Sue Miller doesn't think I’m that funny, can you believe that? Being the good sport that she is however, she takes her chances and still shows her support every Thursday. She may or may not have said, well someone's got to read them...

Exhibit 1 pie offerings at Mykonos Bakery

2. I took advantage of some free time and nice weather, and broke one of my own rules this week. That rule being not decorating for one holiday when the present holiday had not yet been shown the door. I decided to see how the other half lives, going out on a limb and embracing the Christmas season a wee bit early. I upgraded the Magnolia tree by purchasing new and improved sparkly glitter covered ornaments. We are glittering and shimmering it up here on our corner, breaking yet another one of my rules - my self imposed ban on glitter. Justifying that the glitter would be outside, I now admit I may not have thought this one through or considered that glitter easily becomes airborne and finds its way back inside your house like an unwelcomed guest. My carefully laid out plan was in the wind, quite literally, as the particles of glitter took flight with the help of Mother Nature and the wind she provided us. That glitter, now afloat in the yard soon found its way to the bottom of my dogs paws and then hitch hiked its way inside the house where it will freeload until the end of time. #glitterbedamned

3. Getting ahead of myself, Hare – Y – Styles still dressed in his fall attire, has been carefully placed next to the decorated fake Christmas tree that will be making its way out to the front porch. I will admit, these two items set side by side in my living room adorned in differing seasonal attire, forcing the overlap of Thanksgiving and Christmas is making me a bit nuts. That’s what I get for breaking my own rules, I become lawless. First the glittered ornaments, now the collision of two holidays in my house at the same time. Complete anarchy.

4. I am thankful for the baby gates we’ve kept kicking around despite my last baby now being 16. They have come in good use as Gibson the counter surfer continues to treat my kitchen counter tops like they’re a buffet. Baby gates work great for puppies in training if one remembers to put them back in place when leaving the kitchen. If anyone is looking for the cannoli filled sandwich cookies I made we’ll try again next year. This years batch is resting not so comfortably in Gibson’s belly.

5. Leaf Blower Joe update. Rumor has it there is some kind of flame throwing snow removal gadget out there in the world. Joe has discovered this, Mrs. Leaf Blower Joe has caught wind of this discovery and has ick-shnayed the purchase of such gadget. Should a purchase be made of such device, Joe will have yet another name added to his long list of titles. I say we convince Jen to let him buy it just so we can start calling him Flame Throwing Joe. Exhibit 2, just one of the many flame throwing devices used for snow removal we found on the internet...

https://www.amazon.com/Bare-Ground-BB-100-Blaster-Propane/dp/B000KEY9US

6. How times change as we get older. Back in my 20’s I was out and about the night before Turkey day drinking and causing havoc. My partners in crime were usually Mahoney and Bibeau. Now my idea of pre gaming the night before Thanksgiving is heading on down to the local grocery store, maybe switch it up a bit and instead of Big Y head on over to Price Chopper, wandering and bumbling about, just to get in people’s way. At least I can say I was out past dark. Exhibit 2, Andrea doing just as I described at Market Basket on Wednesday.

7. Should you choose to do as I described in #6, do so with a smile. Spread cheer and thanksgiving salutations as the ever cheerful and jovial Andrea does. All while standing smack dab in the middle of an aisle reading the ingredients on things that have no business being in the middle of and mingling amongst your Thanksgiving spread. Why you ask? This will make those shoppers who are freaking out around you, wrestling the last bag of stuffing mix off the shelf, to take pause, slow down a bit and wonder what the actual hell it is that you’re doing. Consider this bumbling around as paying it forward and doing a service for you community.

8. In respect to #7. According to the youngest Kap kid, when parking your car should you be in a lot or a parking area that does not have any lines, you park wherever you want. No lines, no rules. Disorder will ensue, and this too can be viewed as your night before Thanksgiving entertainment.

9. Listening to sports radio this week there was a discussion about Turkeys and the different ways they can be prepared and cooked. Got me to thinking and googling. Who knew there were so many ways to cook America’s most coveted meal. Such methods we found are roasting, brining, deep frying, grilling, smoking, spatchcocking, turkduckening, and sitting that turkey upon a beer can. Let’s pick this apart a bit.

a. Spatchcocking...what is that exactly? Well let me tell you. According to the internet it is the non-gimmicky way to get perfectly cooked turkey, and fast. Also known as butterflying, the technique involves removing the backbone and flattening the bird for cooking. So basically, you’re going to beat the hell out of that bird until it looks like you caught it yourself by running it over with your car. Or maybe save yourself the trouble by taking that store bought bird and run it over in your driveway…that’ll flatten it out fast.

b. Deep frying…sounds like a recipe for disaster to me. Dropping a turkey in to a hot bath of grease has 911 written all over it. Do yourself and your local Fire Department a favor and refrain from this one. They can’t eat in peace at the firehouse if you’ve blown up your garage trying to deep fry a turkey.

c. Turkducken...stuffing that turkey with other birds just sounds mean. Seems like a lot of unnecessary work to me. I may have a simple pallet but if you have a bunch of birds all stuffed together aren’t they going to taste the same anyway?

d. Smoked turkey… all I can think of is a turkey with a Marlboro Light sticking out of the area his head used to be while sitting in your smoker.

e. Beer can turkey… sitting that turkey upon a beer can that you’ve positioned where that turkey’s innards used to be – that just seems wrong.

Call me crazy, but I’m sticking with throwing the poor bastard in the turkey pan, chucking it in the oven and calling it a day. Why change things up? Sometimes simple is better.

10. Speaking of the overlap of holidays, we experienced something of a Christmas miracle here at the Kap house. The deck stairs have been fixed. Al came to his senses that it would be less trouble for him to fix the stairs rather than have to deal with me should I fall down them.

#smartestguyaround

And last but not least, gobble gobble one and all.

Have a great weekend!