Your Weekly Antics, Blowing Up Pies Edition...11/26/2025

Well kids, it’s Thanksgiving week. Time to run around like nuts gathering all the items needed to prepare your traditional holiday feasts - making things you may only eat once a year and for good reason, while becoming amateur pastry chefs, burn a few things, and perhaps blow up a turkey or two…buckle up. Here’s what I’ve got…

1. The holidays are upon us. Not sure why I always thought Thanksgiving landed on the third Thursday of the month, but guess what, it does not. It is on the last Thursday of the month, so whoever allowed me to think otherwise and then spread such lies to all who would listen, thanks for nothing.

2. With that said, in the past few days I’ve heard more and more people say after Thanksgiving, there’s only three weeks until Christmas. Perhaps those individuals are like me and have never paid attention and properly looked at a calendar before because guess what…Thanksgiving and Christmas are at the same time every year. Get it together people…this year is no different than all the other years…we’re not being screwed out of a week to prep for Christmas…this is how it’s always been, nothing’s changed.

3. It is reported that Americans consume an estimated 46 million turkeys on Thanksgiving day. More times than not, many Americans don’t even like turkey, but throw one in the oven because that’s what we’ve been told we’re supposed to do on Thanksgiving…torture yourselves and your loved ones by making us all eat dry meat of this ornery feathered beast, while attempting to disguise the taste by slathering it in gravy, mashed potatoes and cranberry sauce, just because that’s what we’ve always done. I say fire up the grill...burgers and dogs it is.

4. Every year we hear about, or see on the internet, some poor soul who took it upon himself to deep fry their turkey and accidentally blows it up. Fire departments across the country consistently warn against deep frying turkeys, but if you must, they advise you take specific precautions. For example, you’re not going to want to deep fry your bird in the basement, or your living room, you’re smarter than that. You’re going to want to fry that bird up outside, and stay at least 10 feet away from it. You’re not going to want to unceremoniously drop that thing into your oil filled deep fryer while you’re looking right over it, that’s how you’ll lose your eyebrows, and that’s no fun for the holiday season. Keep the fire extinguisher handy, in the event you do set something on fire. Or here’s this…if you don’t know what you’re doing, don’t do it. Throw it in the oven.

5. Turkey’s aren’t the only things being blown up on Thanksgiving. Have you ever blown-up an apple pie? Bet you think it can’t be done, well, it can and it was. When you prepare the best apple pie of your life and your spouse jumps your claim and throws his Pillsbury dinner rolls in the oven to go with his dinner, one is forced to wait 8-10 minutes until his rolls are done and pie prep can resume. In the meantime, one must find a place where Gibson cannot help himself to your uncooked pie, and it’s put on the stove top. Fun fact, if you put your uncooked pie, in its glass pie plate directly on the burner of your ceramic top stove and that burner gets turned on by accident, that pie plate is going to heat up. It will eventually cause that pie plate and its contents to explode, leaving glass and sugary apple goodness on every surface of your kitchen now and for holidays to come. Go ahead, ask me if there will be apple pie this turkey day. There will not. Make your own damn pie.

6. For those of you who travel for this fine holiday, sucks to be you. Tuesday and Wednesday of Thanksgiving week are the most traveled days of the year, and let’s not forget about what it’s like trying to get home from where you went come Sunday. Embrace it people, traffic sucks every single day, but from now until Christmas it’s going to suck worse than usual. Keep snacks, beverages and a copious amounts of patience in your vehicles to help keep yourselves calm, or do yourselves a favor and stay home until January 1^st.

7. These guys having heard about the turkey shortage this year and peoples obsession with throwing them in deep fryers, must've come to their senses and decided it would be in their best interest to get out of town...even being environmentally conscious and accessing public transportation. Exhibit 1, this guy was getting ready to hop a bus in downtown Boston.  

8. Once you arrive at your destinations, get yourselves comfortable. Be a good relative and sit and catch up with your relatives who are under thirty years old. If bored, find an analog clock and ask them what time it is…or if they ask you what time it is, respond and watch their reaction. For example, if it’s quarter to one, say quarter to one. If you don’t tell them it’s 12:45, they’ll have no idea what the hell you’re talking about. To all my friends under thirty, you’re all getting analog desk clocks from me for Christmas and I’m taking all your digital clocks away. For the love of God, what is happening??? LUIS!!!

9. It’s not only Thanksgiving week, but leaf pick up week in the City of Worcester. This is another one of Gibson’s most favorite days of the year once he comes to his senses and realizes we are not being robbed of the piles and piles of leaves that have been gathered front of our houses and lining our streets all week.

10.  And let’s not forget Beet and her street wanderings. She found this one this week…if things don't work out for me at ESWA and I turn to a life of crime, I'll have to contact this fine establishment just because I like the name. Read it fast…Exhibit 2

And last but not least…may you all have a happy and safe Thanksgiving!